Writing Is Easy


I Will Blend No More ForeverIn the words of an American journalist, Gene Fowler, “Writing is easy. All you do is sit staring at a blank sheet of paper until drops of blood form on your forehead.”

However, procrastinating is far less bloody, yet equally full of anguish. That was my preferred approach. I hate the sight of blood.

Previous to my very short-lived career as a columnist, I was a visual artist. This field shares a lot in common with writing, mainly blank sheets of white paper, or a blank white canvas. I think blank and white are the problems.

What I did was exactly what I used to do – approach that blank sheet of paper cautiously by first sharpening every pencil I owned in preparation for the assault. That may not sound like a long and difficult task, unless you are an artist. If so, you may own upwards to 500 pencils or other pencil-like weapons.

First there are the designer pencils which include different densities of lead such as F, 2H, 3H 4H, H, HB, B, 2B, 3B, 4B, 5B and 6B. You also probably own the draftsman’s set which carries on to include 5H, 6H, 7H, 8H and 9H. You were also very careful to purchase many multiples of your favorites. Next, there are the colored pencils which have at least 60 different colors, and then again you may also have them in various degrees of hard and soft. Now don’t forgot the charcoal pencils and the lithographic pencils, which can be very tough to sharpen as you well know, and then there are the crayons….

By the way, if you are not an artist and do not own this many pencil-shaped objects, you can replace this delaying tactic with cleaning out that closet you haven’t dealt with in 6 years because it contains everything you don’t know what to do with. That should work just as well.

All of this brings me to the point – What do I know about Extraterrestrials and why am I writing about them? Outside of a couple of casual acquaintances, I knew nothing. Why not write on a subject I actually knew something about, like “The Art of Procrastination” or “Dog Training: A Border Collie’s Guide to Human Domination”. I probably would have sharpened far fewer pencils in preparation for typing were either of these topics the case.

Something needed to happen to interrupt this obsessive compulsive pencil sharpening. Even my dog looked worried. I could hear her thinking – Oh, oh. She’s headed for the crayons.

Precisely at this point, there was a knock at the door. How could there be? No one knew where I was. Unnerved, I dropped my crayon, tip-toed towards the door, and then opened it very carefully.

There she was, the reigning monarch of synchronicity, Queen Dee. She stared at my incredulous face and responded impatiently to the question I didn’t ask, “Never mind, get in your car. I’m taking you somewhere.”

So off we went, without any further explanation.

Continue to the next exciting adventure of  I Will Blend No More Forever – Part VI